Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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