1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
