The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
