I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you win again, gameday.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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