that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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