Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
