Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize