Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Your penis caused this!
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