loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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