Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
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Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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