never play flip cup with pint glasses
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
