I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
