Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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