I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dear god my vagina.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize