buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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