Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
