The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
