he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
