Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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