nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
