I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
