I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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