Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
