This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I currently don't understand fingers.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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