i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
