Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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