too bad you live with your parents still
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
