He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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