just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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