It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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