i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
