Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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