it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
