I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
