You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
