I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
