Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
