I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
