And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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