just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
