The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
