I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize