where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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