I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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