You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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