Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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