so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I will be naked everywhere
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
