no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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