Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sponge bath it is.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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