I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize