thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize