Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
