she woke up with a sticky ear
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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