I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
