the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
