Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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