so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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